[File notes, This audio was captured through various means Lord Recluse. As of right now we are unable to prove it's authenticity, however team MILSPIDER felt it was worth passing along. -Arbiter ]
[Transcript begins; Location unknown]
Lawyer: As the executor of Mr. Cole's Estate I have been empowered to read his last will and temperament.
Synapse : Well get on with it, the bars open soon.
Fuisonette: Oh poor dear Marcus... wehhhh.
Faultline: Oh there, there Annie.
Positron : How predictably boring.
Numina: I never worked for a kinder man.
Lawyer: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the readings.
Lawyer (reading): I Marcus Cole, being of sound mind a body...
Synapse: That's a laugh... heheheh.
Lawyer: ... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows: To the overly emotional dear, Annette.
Hank: Annie dear, he's talking about us.
Lawyer: ... who grubbed their entire life, grubbed for everything I've got, then cried crocidile tears when I needed sympathy, to Annette I leave ... a Boot to the Head.
Fuisonette: A what? [Boom] Ow!
Faultline: Jenny, are you okay?
Lawyer: And another boot to her wimpy boyfriend Jim. [Boom] Ow!
Synapse: Heh heh.
Fuisonette: This is an outrage.
Lawyer: Ah but still, you are an up and coming Hero, you have both admired my IO sets, and since I no longer need it...
Fuisonette: Oh dear Marcus, he's too kind!
Lawyer: ... I bequeath another boot the head.
Fuisonette: What? [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: And one more for the wimp.
Faultline: [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: Next, to my overly energetic teammate...
Synapse: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head.
Lawyer: To dear Barry who's never worked a day in his life...
Synapse: I'm covering up my head!
Lawyer: I leave my Salvage Vault and three crates of my finest Temp powers.
Lawyer: And a boot to the head.
Synapse: [Boom] Oh!
Lawyer: And another for Annette and the wimp.
Fusionette: [Boom] Oh!
Faultline: [Boom] Ow!
Lawyer: Next, to my know-it-all Teammate Keyes...
Positron: This is so predictable. I'm putting my helmet on.
Lawyer: I leave a boot to the head.
Positron: [Clang] ... I knew it.
Lawyer: ... and one for Annette and the wimp.
Lawyer: This takes care of first obligations... and now to Tammy Arcanus ...
Numina: I don't want nothing.
Lawyer: ... who took care of me faithfully these many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea, power leveled my daughter ...
Numina: Oh, I didn't mind.
Lawyer: ... to Mrs. Arcanus I bequeath... a boot to the head.
Numina: [Woosh] Oouhh?
Lawyer: And one more for Annette and the wimp.
Fusionette: [Boom] Ahh!
Faultline: [Boom] Ohh!
Lawyer: And so to my loyal friend States dog, I leave my entire vast... Boot to the head!
States dog: [Boom] Hooooowwwwwwooooool!
Lawyer: And finally, to my Lawyer who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head, but a rabid Rikiti monkey to be placed in his trousers.... ohh,... hah, ha, ha... and I leave my entire vast estate of 10 Billion Influence to the people of Croatoa so they can afford to move somewhere decent!
Faultline: Is that it?
Positron: Is that all?
Synapse: That's disgraceful!
Lawyer: There's one last thing for everyone.
Synapse: Cover your heads everybody.
Lawyer: I leave everyone a lifetime supply of Inspirations.
Positron: That's all?
Lawyer: That's all.
Numina: Well, what type is it?
Lawyer: Boot the head!
[Boom] Oh! [Boom] Ah! [Clang] Uh! [Boom] Ow! [Woosh] Hey! [Boom] Yip! [Boom] Oww!
Beware! Stuff happens!
Because it's like doublemint gum!
(Quote) Team: *Burning and dying* D: OH GOD, THE ARCHON IS A WARWOLF AND THE MARKSMEN ARE LEGION. ABANDON HOPE.