And here is the cleaned-up chat log of the bragging contest. I left in a few references to removing Connor's kneecaps because it amused me.
DJ Valor: Ok then my dear children, we're a small crowd but a cozy one
DJ Valor: The rules are few and we won't have too much trouble with them I think
DJ Valor: 1) the contest has three rounds
DJ Valor: They will build on each other in complexity and they will each end in some eliminations
DJ Valor: 2)Each competitor's bragging will be limited to three full lines of text in LOCAL ONLY. Anything in any other channel will be disallowed for the contest. Each brag will be given three minutes to complete, with a warning given at the one minute to go mark.
DJ Valor: 3) Suggestive themes will be allowed; however, obscene or explicit entries will disqualify you from the contest.
DJ Valor: 4) The judges will be looking for the most impressive brag within the theme of the round that also maintains the spirit of the Fantasy Faire event.
DJ Valor: Sound fair?
DJ Valor: If you're here to compete, please be here on the floor in front of me. If you're here to watch please take a place a little further back
DJ Valor: I have no intention of letting some of you charmers behind me with a loaded wit
DJ Valor: The Lampoonist and Mel Dems and the Wisecracker are in play. Anyone else?
Mel Dems: I've come to a battle of wits? *feigns fear* ...I'm unarmed!
Golden Gryfon: Participants, I will function as the timekeeper.
Lampoonist: Just to clarify it's three lines.. not three sentences that might run over three lines
DJ Valor: An excellent question...
Golden Gryfon: ((Three of whatever you can fit in before the game cuts your text off.))
Lampoonist smiles because he's so damn excellent
DJ Valor: So, we begin!
Lampoonist: Huzzah! Time is a wasting.. for I am a very busy man.
DJ Valor: Your first task is to introduce yourselves to us, your attentive audience
DJ Valor: Please, don't be modest.
Mel Dems: ...It 'as to be a fib?
DJ Valor: It's to be a grandiose as you can make it. If it's true that's your business
Golden Gryfon: Mei Dems ... we'll start with you. Ready?
DJ Valor: Time starts NOW
Golden Gryfon: GO!
Mel Dems: Greetings to thee, Lords and Ladies! I am called Melissa, yet bear many titles: Seer, Pythia, Bard, Scholar, Teller of tales, both true and not, Prism, Fae-Friend.
Mel Dems: My beauty is world renowned, throughout the ages, as is my wisdom. I am a Trickster, so trust not my words. I am a Bard, so I speak the truth. I am a Mage, so beware my power.
Mel Dems: Let my friends rejoice, my enemies tremble. Those who I guide are rarely grateful, but they are oft better off when I leave them. Hearth-friend, call me...pray listen to my words.
Wisecracker: Ahem... HEAR YE! HEAR YE! I art Wisecracker! Sir Wisecracker! Highlord of the Asylum of Mountebank, Scourge of Bloody Bay! Sir Loin of Beef. Sir Osis of Liver. Duke of Worshishesterschistershestershireshir... And yea, your lord.
Wisecracker: am the greatest rascal the world hath ever seen. So villainous am I that the Devil hath cast me from the inferno. He still doth owe me five schillings. And to any that would mock me go screweth thyselves!
Wisecracker: I hath tagged much whispering eye! Should luminol rain upon my lair, it would be seen three leagues away! ThreeFOLD! Ony-nonny-nay!
DJ Valor: Lampoonist?
Lampoonist: BEHOLD!-**shoots pigeons out of his sleeves* The Lampoonist! Breaker of banks, Killers of Truthtellers and hijacker of beautiful women.
DJ Valor: ...pigeons?
Dee Jay Pyrria: ...
Golden Gryfon: They'll never get those buggers out of the rafters ..
Lampoonist: Ahem.. my doves died.. Anyway.. I've piled bags of money so high Nasa spotted it from space. I created a small business venture which is now a leading conspiracy corporation.
Golden Gryfon: 60 seconds.
Lampoonist: Ahh.. fuck it.. i got a big gun and some mutant powers from falling into a vat of radioactive material back when i was a longbow.
Lampoonist relights his cigar and it explodes
DJ Valor: Sweetheart, it ain't bragging if it's true...and we've all seen your gun.
DJ Valor grins "The judges will now confer"
Lampoonist sighs "honk honk"
DJ Valor: My Lords, Ladies and gentlemen,your judges have conferred
DJ Valor: M'lord Lampoonist is the holder of 3rd place in this competition
Lampoonist: You mean last..
Lampoonist cigar explodes
DJ Valor: The Wisecracker and Mel Dems move on to our final round which will be slightly different, given that the field was so small
Golden Gryfon: Well, we mean 25 million richer.
Wisecracker: Fare thee well!
DJ Valor: We do like to pay for your company after all
Mel Dems grins, "...I just wont bragging rights."
Wisecracker: Heh-e heh-e.
DJ Valor: This last round both competitors will start at the same time. You will have 5 minutes to create your boast
DJ Valor: It will be based on a very simple question that you already know
Golden Gryfon: I am keeping time. Time starts with the question.
DJ Valor: When the Gryfon calls "TIME" you will both stop of course
Wisecracker: Bingeth it on!
DJ Valor: There is a limit to how much writing you have to do. You must stop at 3 full chat boxes
DJ Valor: Any questions?
Wisecracker: May I break Lunar's kneecaps? He needs them not to judge.
Dee Jay Pyrria shrugs. "Dunno...and he's not judging, WC."
Mel Dems: Nay, m'lady. Do to ask the question. I am always ready for a challenge.
DJ Valor: He's not a judge, but it'll make too much noise right now. Later
DJ Valor: Ok then
Wisecracker: Dare to dream...
DJ Valor: "What Is Your Quest?"
Golden Gryfon: Time starts NOW!!
Parzifal tries not to facepalm. He has seen Monty Python, after all.
DJ Valor grins at Parz
Mel Dems: In this cold, bleak world, I seek one thing: the perfect balance. As a Seer, I have read the leaves and the bones and the runes and know I will fight a hundred Giantkin, and not singly. I know I will tread paths unwalked by others, in the deepest wil
Mel Dems: ...wilds. I will face perils that would make an ordinary mortal break apart like granite cliffs turn to sand under the ocean's waves. I will see horrors that will send a sane man screaming, and send the mad to utter terror.
Mel Dems: I will climb mountains and travel seas and speak to the wisest of men to find this balance. And in the end...I know the answer: The perfect balance is to match peanut butter with chocolate spread on english muffins.
Wisecracker: My quest is simple. It is to out-wit, out-fox and outright bamboozle, counfound and stupefy the hose-donning kinights of Paragon. Not that the quest is that trying with harlequines such as thee trying to nab me! And why you ask? Simply, because I can.
Golden Gryfon: 60 seconds
Wisecracker: For I am the Wisecrackere. Your rightful ruler, and genius-jester of scoundrels.
Golden Gryfon: TIME!
Dee Jay Pyrria read that as "genius-accountant of scoundrels."
DJ Valor laughs
Golden Gryfon: Well done both of you! Let the judges consult.
Wisecracker: I fear I hath lost this one. The Loon knock'd me off mine groove.
DJ Valor: My Lords, Ladies and Gentlethings! We present to you tonight's winner of our bragging contest!
DJ Valor: Mel Dems!
Golden Gryfon: Huzzah!
Mel Dems chuckles, flourishing a bow.
DJ Valor: Congratulations M'lady!
Mel Dems: Thank you. Thank you. I'll be 'ere all week.
DJ Sultry Siren claps
Unleashed Force cheers loudly " Wooo! I knew it! I'd hug you but, we both know what that would lead to, Mel! "
DJ Valor: Wisecracker, feel free to remove his kneecaps after you collect your loot
Dee Jay Pyrria: Hands off my husband, or no loot.